on the horizon line, we gazed at something obscure
by Prospereta
Summary: Haruka was the first one to point it out – they were all in middle school at the time – and Makoto never let Nagisa live it down. After hearing the blonde in the midst of a terror, he'd woken him and made tea, forcing Nagisa to drink. What with the soothing atmosphere, even with Nagisa's hiccuped sobs echoing through the expanse of Haru's house, Nagisa had spilled everything.


"I'm almost ready, Mako-chan!" Nagisa called, flicking a brief glance over to the phone that sat open on his bed, volume as loud as it could go. When the other boy spoke, his voice was amplified over speakerphone, and Nagisa felt relieved to have someone living through the morning with him.

"That's good. You don't want to make Rei wait, do you?"

"Of course not! I'm going as fast as I can, _okaasan_." His voice dripped with light-hearted sarcasm as he pulled his sweater over his lean torso – a fact he proudly boasted into the walls of his room when he dressed for bed every night. He whisked up his uniform jacket, black fabric smooth in his hands, limbs flailing as he tugged it on, skilled fingers looping each button through its respective hole. "Done!" He exclaimed, hands on his hips as he turned to the full-length mirror on his closet door. Despite his hair, which stuck up at odd angles, he looked pretty nice. He was glad that he never had to fight in order to receive a boy's uniform, especially after the struggle he and his family – mainly his mother – had put up in order to get one in middle school.

"You should go, hm? Call me when you get home; let me know how it goes, alright?"

"Got it!" His hands shook, actions contradicting his confident attitude.

"Don't be worried; Rei won't freak out."

"You keep saying that, Mako-chan, but what if he does? What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore or…something bad happens?"

"You've been friends for over two years now, Nagisa. I doubt he'd drop you over something like this. If you're confiding in him, he should know that he needs to stick by to help you with it. Besides, have you ever known him to do something like that?"

"No…" He huffed out a sigh, fingertips rubbing his cheeks. "I'm just nervous!"

"I know," Makoto resolved, a soft _tsk_ sounding through the receiver. "He'll be there for you, trust me. I'm sure Kou will get on his case if he isn't."

"You're right, you're right." Nagisa shouldered his bag, picking up his phone. "Gou-chan is pretty scary." Makoto laughed on the other end.

"Good luck, Nagisa. Keep me updated, alright?"

"You shouldn't worry so much, Mako-chan!"

"I think you've confused yourself with me." Makoto's voice dead-panned, but Nagisa could practically feel the other male's smile through the phone. Haruka and he were both going to college in Tokyo, once they got the money to get shelter there. Haruka, if Nagisa could remember correctly, was going to study art, and Mako planned on becoming a teacher. The thought worried him, just slightly, since he knew that he wasn't far behind the others in regards of a career. All Nagisa had thought about doing was a few café jobs or something. He wasn't ready for a real job, not yet. He hoped that the years would move slowly, perpetuating the time he had before he was expected to go out into the world on his own. Of course, this only made Makoto's words true; he really did worry too much.

"No way! I'm definitely not like Mako-chan!" He gasped, his tone playful and teasing.

"Of course not. Who was I to ever think that?"

"Silly, silly, Mako-chan. Okay! I really gotta go now! I'll miss breakfast or something!"

"Eat something other than bread this morning, please."

"No promises! Talk to you later, Mako-chan!" He chirped, pocketing his phone after Makoto's futile attempt to convince him to eat healthier, effectively ending the call. He wasted no time, making a mad dash down the stairs and into the kitchen. He ignored Mako's advice and grabbed one of the sweetbreads he'd bought the past Friday, which he explained to be a reward for getting one of his best times of the season. Through the past two years, the swim team had grown, and so had its budget, allowing the members to practice at the nearby gym's indoor pool during the colder seasons - this fact he also bragged about to Haru, since his attempts had proven fruitless when he'd attended Iwatobi. Nagisa laughed under his breath, slipping on his shoes and heading outside. The air, crisp and cool, attacked his skin upon arrival, the soft cutting sound of wind through trees only rivaled by the crinkling of the package in his hands as he opened it. He ate slowly, careful to save an untouched piece for Rei, even if he knew the taller one would most likely turn it down.

He saw Rei on the bench in the station, nose in a book. When he got closer, he could see it was another theory book. Nagisa half-wondered when Rei would run out of those. He seemed to get new ones each week.

"Rei-chan! Am I late?"

"I came here early; don't worry." He stood, placing the book neatly into his backpack.

"Don't you ever just sleep in?" The blonde frowned, hands on his hips.

"It doesn't benefit me, Nagisa-kun. I find if I oversleep, my body falls into a cycle! I'd want to sleep forev—Nagisa-kun, I would turn into you if I did that."

"Wha—Rei-chan!"

"Isn't it true, though?"

"I don't sleep in all the time!"

"But you're always falling asleep on the train!"

"Rei-chan, I can't pass up a pillow when it is offered to me."

"My shoulder isn't a pillow!"

"You still haven't learned_…tsk tsk tsk._ Your shoulder is the perfect height for me! It has been since we were first years!"

"That still doesn't excuse you from drooling on it…or sleeping on it at all, for that matter. You should be getting rest at home."

"There's so much to do at home, though!"

"Not when everyone's sleeping!"

"Rei-chan—," He flailed his arms wildly for emphasis - "_everything_ happens when people go to bed."

"Care to explain?" He asked, watching as the train rolled in, casting a glance to his side at the shorter of the two.

"It's thrilling to play video games after lights out and not get caught!"

"Wh-! That's the only thing?"

"Why? Does there have to be more?"

"No-! I just thought you'd waste your sleeping hours doing something more productive..."

"Ahh? So Rei-chan's been thinking about me, hm?" He waggled his eyebrows, hopping onto the train with a few bouncing steps.

"It's not like that!" Rei turned red as he fixed his glasses, a trick he'd been using since they'd met. His hands were large, and covered most of his face, effectively hiding his embarrassment.

"Sure it isn't." Nagisa smirked, almost feeling normal for once. Rei grumbled under his breath with an exasperated sigh. Nagisa knew it was good-natured. He laughed, settling against him, eyes fluttering shut.

Maybe, if he slept, he could forget the worry clawing at the pit of his stomach.

Sleep never seemed to do him any justice. Through the past few years, he'd only had a handful of sleepovers, and had only been able to successfully fall asleep three times. The other times he spent pinching his cheeks, but only when he was able to wake up. Most of the time, he was stuck in sleep, tossing and turning, deep into his nightmares. Rei slept deeply, most of the time, but it still surprised Nagisa that even his trembling and crying didn't rouse his younger friend. Haruka was the first one to point it out – they were all in middle school at the time – and Makoto never let Nagisa live it down. After hearing the blonde in the midst of a terror, he'd woken him and made tea, forcing Nagisa to drink. What with the soothing atmosphere, even with Nagisa's hiccupped sobs echoing through the expanse of Haru's house, Nagisa had spilled everything.

_"I'm—," The blonde choked on a sob, rubbing his bleary eyes. "I'm sorry-! I've been lying to you this whole time, Mako-chan, Haru-chan!" He set the tea down, sniffling heavily. Makoto offered him a tissue, eyes wide with concern._

_"Lying to us..?" He asked, green eyes imploring._

_"I'm really sorry!" He whimpered out._

_"You're not going to get anywhere on apologies, Nagisa." Haru said, his face stern, his gaze tearing apart the youngest. Nagisa felt like his eyes were raw, and his cheeks itched with every stream of tears, but he kept talking._

_ "I'm not a real—," he started, but then shook his head. Even that'd be a lie. "I-I was…born wrong," he explained, drawing in a shaky breath._

_"You…may need to explain." Mako looked confused, but kept his gaze steady nonetheless._

_"I'm…of course; I'm a boy, but…" He took a second to wipe his nose, to clean off his cheeks. "I…" He smiled sadly, taking his time with the information that'd been clouding his life for the past few years. "When I was able to dress myself, I wore boy's clothing. My hair used to be pretty long, too…I cut it when I was in second grade. Lots of people found out then. I joined the swim team the following year, and met you guys." He paused, watching Makoto and Haruka's expressions shift to something more understanding._

_"My mom thought it was a phase, but…since I hadn't developed any…telling girl stuff, she let me keep dressing how I wanted. My sisters tried forcing me into dresses and stuff. I put up a fight." He laughed at this, gaze fond even if it was clouded with tears. "That's how I found out. When they put me in the dresses...I felt so defeated! They didn't understand 'stop'! No matter how much I tried to yell at them, they wouldn't stop! It was dad who had to put down his foot. It's also why I don't go into the same middle school as you guys. He didn't want people knowing who I was, so we had to find something a bit different."_

_"When I started…wow… fifth grade, I'd finally been accepted by the school board, and they allowed me to enter school that year in a boy's uniform. I was teased…I'd told a friend, and it seemed harmless enough, but soon they spread rumors. You guys were gone by then. They told me I was a boy-girl; that I was too girly to ever be a boy; for a while, I believed it. But…despite it all, I had to prove myself. I was going to start developing…lots of girl stuff, and I didn't want that. I couldn't have it. My mom understood when I told her, and we got all these blockers and stuff. I was finally going to start being a boy –a real boy."_

_"I've been on it for a while, and it's working great! As you can see…I haven't really developed at all. I mean…sure, because I'm still pretty athletic, I have muscle and stuff, but…" He took a sip of his tea, feeling how dry his throat had become._

_"I'm going on hormones, finally, for my first year of high school." He grinned at the others, swirling his drink around in his mug. It was a while before any of them spoke._

_"You're transgender?" Haruka asked, the first to speak. Makoto chided him, just loud enough for Nagisa to hear._

_"Right," the blonde replied, waving a hand at Makoto. "It's okay, Mako-chan!"_

_"I would have never guessed," the raven admitted, drinking a bit from his glass of water. "You're very...boyish."_

_"Thank you, Nagisa." Makoto placed a hand on top of Nagisa's. "It takes courage to do that." Nagisa let a relieved giggle bubble from his chest._

_"I was so worried you guys would think I was weird!"_

_"Not at all," the brunette responded, a motherly smile planted on his lips._

_That night, when they all finally returned to bed, Nagisa slept soundly._

Though his nap was short-lived, he felt well-rested. Rei's hand on his shoulder woke him, and, with a yawn, Nagisa rubbed his sleep-clouded eyes, standing after the train slowed to a stop.

"I saved you the run, but only for today. Expect to be starting again tomorrow," Rei said, shouldering his backpack and walking off of the train. Nagisa followed suit, a bounce in his step.

"You're eating on the roof, right?"

"Correct. Why?"

"No reason!"

"Gou-san is going to be there, too, with Hana-san." Nagisa felt the previously lifted weight smash back down on his shoulders, and his stomach dropped.

"Hana-chan is going to be there?"

"Yes..? Why? Do you not like her? I've always thought her to be quite nice…I wonder what happened?"

"No-! Hana-chan and I are friends! I just didn't expect it; that's all!" He felt his plans, everything he'd worked so hard to build up the courage to do, crumble around him.

Was this how being comfortable in your own skin was supposed to feel?

He was aware of a vague clawing, twisting feeling in his chest. He asked to use the restroom pass in class, and, with shaking hands, ducked into a stall and sent a text to Makoto.

_i cant do it (´__) hana-chan is gonna be on the roof today, and i dont think i can tell her too_

_maybe ill have to wait until after school. i wanted to do with with gou-chan nearby just in case rei-chan reacted badly_

He scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms, wiping away the threatening tears brimming in his eyes. His phone vibrated and he took a deep breath before checking it.

_Return to class, Nagisa. You don't have to tell him today, but you'll need to, soon._

He punched in his reply with slow fingers.

_i dont know if i can go back just yet, so please talk to me?_

The screen flashed with a new message in a short amount of time.

_Sure, just be careful._

Nagisa leaned against the walls, resting his head back against hard, blue material.

_i am. why is this so hard?_

_If it's worth doing, it's going to be hard._

_mako-chan youre being all wise again and its confusing me_

_Sorry! It's true, though! If you don't do it, eventually it'll come back to bite you._

They exchanged texts for at least twenty minutes before being interrupted.

"Nagisa-kun?"

Nagisa froze. He pressed the backs of his hands to his eyes, dragging them down to his cheeks. They came back wet.

"Sorry, Rei-chan! I didn't mean to be so long!"

"...What's wrong?"

"...Ah-the-"

"Don't tell me nothing's wrong, please. You've obviously been crying and you've been in the bathroom for over..." he paused, probably checking his watch, "20 minutes, now."

"I was talking to Mako-chan."

"Is something wrong with Makoto-senpai? Is Haruka-senpai okay?"

"They're fine!"

"But you aren't. I'm afraid I don't understand."

"I'll be okay. ...Can I come to your house after school? I can tell you then, and then I can leave, if you want."

"Ah-you may come over, yes."

His heart thudded in his chest. He didn't know if he liked the sensation very much; it was so heavy. He wiped his eyes, and made his way out of the stall with a small smile planted on his lips.

"Okay. Thank you, Rei-chan."


End file.
